Bewitched

Year: 2005

Grade: D

Country: USA

Director: Ephron

Review

it’s funny that just yesterday i was espousing the potential greatness of a good hollywood film, and today i watched a good example of what hollywood is really about. capitalizing on past successes by repackaging them, adding some stars, some sfx and merchandising dollars. this movie was such crap. i think the best thing about this movie was that it wasn’t another remake starring nicole kidman – namely the stepford wives, which is one of the worst remakes of all-time.

here’s the thing – nicole kidman is a talented enough actress, but she picks some really bad/uninteresting roles. i’ve seen nine films of hers and i can only say that two of them (dead calm and to die for) are worth watching. i don’t really feel like getting into all the ways in which this film fell short. i don’t feel like reliving the flat writing, the dead acting, and the piss poor direction. the truth is that nora ephron hasn’t written/directed in five years and she probably needed a paycheck. she churned this piece of crap out in a single day (seriously, in an interview on the charlie rose show she admitted that she conceived the idea in a single night at the behest of a producer).

to: hollywood producers

cc: nora ephron

subject: recent crap

hey all,

we live in a postmodern age, yes, but that doesn’t give you license to rip off past work for a quick buck. people don’t want to see a rehash of the same old stuff. you’ve got to add something. i don’t mean a bow and a card, you have to significantly alter the product, otherwise you’re merely regifting; and people aren’t going to like that in the long run. please stop. from good films to bad films, you guys just keeping making the same old stuff over and over: yours, mine and ours, batman, bewitched, charlie and the chocolate factory, stepford wives, rollerball, assault on precinct 13, war of the worlds, transporter 2, fog, king kong, xxx: state of the union, saw 2, attack of the clones, etc. please stop doing it. i know that hollywood has been making sequels and remakes for decades, but never at this clip and never at this poor a level. yes, some of those pictures are worthwhile, but please get away from relying on that formula. people want pictures with some creativity. yes, we’re a bit stupid right now. yes, it’s been working for a few years. but that time is coming to a close. the box office numbers this summer should prove that to you. try something new. and for the untalented among you (n.e.) – just stop making pictures altogether. i know that growing up in the sixties and watching auteur pictures from relative amateurs like dennis hopper gave you the confidence to make your own pictures without any talent or formal training, but that time is over. you’re not doing enough drugs to mask your lack of skill. you’re not creative enough to make an inspired picture. it’s a different time. move on. clean your house and dress up your pet poodle.

with love,

chris miller

Watched in theater